You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
