their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
