We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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