I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
