Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
