what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the day after is always just damage control
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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