Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
