if you like me you must not know who I am
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize