I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
