I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
