Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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