those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
