just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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