people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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