i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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