I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
