We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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