we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
