Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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