I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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