Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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