Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
