btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
