I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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