is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
