It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
