In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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