I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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