i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
