Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
