You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
