3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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