My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
