Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
