I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
