I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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