I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
