Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I smell stomach acid.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
