And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
