yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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