she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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