I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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