ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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