she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
