i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
