I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize