3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So here I am, sexting at work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
