I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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