"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
