Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize