He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
