CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
