i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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