There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
