Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
