I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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