If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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