Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
