how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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