I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
