Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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