Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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