Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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