had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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